How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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