you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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