It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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