wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
