4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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