I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
