last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
