what day is it and did you see me today?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
