Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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