I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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