after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
