I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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