he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
