Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
