and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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