i was born a porn star she said
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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