girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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