at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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