her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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