My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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