K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
