this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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