Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
