So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
