Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
