They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You pole danced in your parka.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
