do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
