My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
