Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
