My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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