We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
