I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
