I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
