i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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