just tell him i said nine months
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
