did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
