it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
