There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
50% drunk capacity currently
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
