fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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