y did u give ur computer a hand job?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
