I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
