you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
