i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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