No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
