im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Even my vagina gasped.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
