Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
