I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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