I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
