so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
