im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
