I'm really into asian looking animals
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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